I'm So frustrated that my life is not what it used to be. It reminds me of a decomposed leaf where there are just threads of the "veins" of the life are left.... shreds... barely. I loved my life prior to him. I lacked nothing but someone to share it with. It was wonderful and I imagined that it could only get better with the addition of a "that special someone".

The painful reality is that it's been the COMPLETE opposite. The beautiful life I once had is now in shreds and shambles and my new life is nothing to be very excited, pleased, or keen about.

The new perspective I now have of this is that:

1. a decomposed leave like this one is seen as beautiful by many. Here's an interesting perspective that I found on another blog:

"I've been saving this leaf since last winter and I just photographed it yesterday.

The delicate patterns that nature riddled it with as it decomposed are overwhelmingly beautiful to me. But it is more than just that. I think this image, this leaf, reminds me that there is abundance always, even in the letting go and the leaving. What was left behind - the little bits of leaf that are gone - change its nature and make it even more beautiful."

I suppose this isn't the best analogy because this is the example of a beautiful, natural decomposition. It feels more like I've been ripped to shreds and tattered and worn. Maybe more like a leaf similar to the one above but that's been torn and ripped from years of stormy weather....

What ultimately gives me a little hope at this point is the ever so slight new life in the photo. I feel that I do, AT LEAST, have that. My son and hope. Well, I'm not quite sure it's possible to restore myself to my old life, but I can nurture the new life and I'm pretty sure I can sprout some new leaves. I'm hopeful. It's all I've got.