I LOVE MY NICHOLAS!!!

happy birthday baby!!

a gift from above

my miracle

my love

xoxo

me

HUBBY!!!!!!!

and I like it!!!!!

thank you, thank you, thank you, God!!! xoxoxo

still missing my watch :( ....

feeling over-weight and not being able to loose the extra pounds!! :( ugh!

OH SUCH a BLUE day.
First I lost my watch,
then my t.v. screen is going bad,
and then I went to pay a bill online and the security code on my credit card has rubbed off!!!

It gets so overwhelming when EVERYTHING seems to happen at once.
If any of these incidents happened individually, then it would not seem nearly as overwhelming.

UGH!

I have misplaced or lost a dear friend today- my beloved watch... that has been a good and faithful friend for many years. I can't figure out for the life of me, where I have misplaced it or how I could have lost it.
soooooooooooooo sad.....

WE'RE GOING TO........!!!!!!!

Queen of ...?

http://sweetpotatoqueens.com/

(borrowed:)

i will decorate my home, completely

i will design, exercise, and do the things that bring me joy:

flowers, finery, hair, arts...

i will start my itinerary of the places i will travel to.

i will find at least one person, with whom i will share my life.

i will not hurt those that i love.

i will find my special someone.

and i will not look for attention, but friendship and love.

Happiness is:

Fitness
Outdoors
Travel
Arts
Adventures
Nature
Shopping
Dinning
Strolling
New Friends
Taking things in stride
Farmers Markets
Crafts
Aesthetics
Finery

Old Loves...
It hurts to reminisce ...
what could have been.
The missed opportunities,
the love that was denied.

Soul Mate...
I believe in such a thing...
Where is mine?
Is it possible to pass him by?

True Love...
Tranquil,
Tender,
Sweet,
Understanding,
Touching,
Caring,
Symbiotic,
Forever More

Where?
Who?
Why?
When?
How?

The ache I feel in my soul.
I mourn the absence of this dear person.
Have I been careless?
Have I been less fortunate?
Are some allowed this life's treasure and some not?
Is forgiveness possible?

I often feel unworthy of such a love.
My rational contradicts this, but it's hard to knock the feeling.

Love: a garden that needs tending
Why is love unrequited?
Can deep, intimate, precious love be fleeting love?
Can a life be filled with such love and not enduring, forgiving, lifelong love?
So sad, so tragic.
Some are fortunate, some are not.
Is life really so cruel?

I do love doing hair. It's somewhat cathartic and therapeutic for me. It's so rewarding too, to be able to make someone feel better about themselves and give them some inner joy. The opposite side of the coin is so very hard when things don't go as expected and/or the customer isn't happy with the results...it's very draining. A bit of an emotional roller coaster. I have a little dream to convert a charming little house into a salon/boutique/coffee shop/bookstore.... hoooooooooohummmmmmmm...

"wherever you find someone is where you will leave them"

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”

~ Chinese Proverb

violence arouses him

confession

I have R.V. envy.

"Collaboration is essential: It allows you to blame someone else"

"Live as one already dead." --Japanese saying

In every changing market, someone always makes a fortune it might as well be you!

We must all suffer from one of two pains, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is that discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons! -Jim Rohn

Are you a parasite or a producer?

"And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.”~
William Shakespeare

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5,6

...Because so many are serving the dark lord.

use your head to think about what your heart is telling you
then set your hands to do it. and DO IT

random quotes....

"Why are so many people picking on her for her looks? At least that is something beyond her control...but all of your mean personalities and bad attitudes are in your control, and you still choose to be classless and horrible. For those of you picking on her for her looks...you should really work on your attitude. Insulting people you don't know makes you look very low class"

ac'tu·al·i·za'tion:

1. To realize in action or make real

Rant...

People whose m.o. is b.s., i.e.: counseling professor...

inconsistent, contradictory, hypocritical, and defensive... ugh...

so unfortunate.

Which leads me to....

THIS!^^^ that I had never known anything about.
You've got to love the internet. I can find info at the drop of a hat. Amazing....

I digress...
SO! This is Pangea, the theory that our world would/did look like if /when the continents were put back together, like the pieces of a puzzle.

Stunning. It makes complete sense to me. Easy peasy :)

Well, that got me thinking some more.... (uh oh)

If you stretch Australia around to the top, it could easily make a land mass in a general circle. Ah ha. More sense....

Which got me thinking some more! LOL

About the origins of life...
ALL life.

If this Pangea were to make a circle, the approximate middle would be the Middle East.
WOW- ding, ding, ding... is that why it's called the MIDDLE east?!?! LOLOL whew...

Ok, I found an interesting website that expounds on this topic @:

http://www.kjvbible.org/rivers_of_the_garden_of_eden.html

again.... complete sense.

Et Voila!

All roads lead to God.

^j^

Mr. Brunei...

so... looking for the origins of a friend, I seek out a world map.
So often I look at an image like this and say to myself, "There's something to this. It looks like the pieces of land are puzzle pieces that can fit together very nicely." Why not? Land mass moves.
So the investigation begins....

I've converted...

I'm a fan of Firefox now, but darn! I can't create shortcuts on my desk top with it!!! And I'm a shortcut FIEND!!!! ugh. I guess it goes to show you that things are never perfect. I love all the other features, tho.

*** EDIT! Oh my, I could WEEP!!! I just learned how to do it!! Life is complete, and I don't have to compromise. It's possible to have what I want and be happy with it. Oh, renewed hope is always so beautiful. {{ <3 }}

I'm So frustrated that my life is not what it used to be. It reminds me of a decomposed leaf where there are just threads of the "veins" of the life are left.... shreds... barely. I loved my life prior to him. I lacked nothing but someone to share it with. It was wonderful and I imagined that it could only get better with the addition of a "that special someone".

The painful reality is that it's been the COMPLETE opposite. The beautiful life I once had is now in shreds and shambles and my new life is nothing to be very excited, pleased, or keen about.

The new perspective I now have of this is that:

1. a decomposed leave like this one is seen as beautiful by many. Here's an interesting perspective that I found on another blog:

"I've been saving this leaf since last winter and I just photographed it yesterday.

The delicate patterns that nature riddled it with as it decomposed are overwhelmingly beautiful to me. But it is more than just that. I think this image, this leaf, reminds me that there is abundance always, even in the letting go and the leaving. What was left behind - the little bits of leaf that are gone - change its nature and make it even more beautiful."

I suppose this isn't the best analogy because this is the example of a beautiful, natural decomposition. It feels more like I've been ripped to shreds and tattered and worn. Maybe more like a leaf similar to the one above but that's been torn and ripped from years of stormy weather....

What ultimately gives me a little hope at this point is the ever so slight new life in the photo. I feel that I do, AT LEAST, have that. My son and hope. Well, I'm not quite sure it's possible to restore myself to my old life, but I can nurture the new life and I'm pretty sure I can sprout some new leaves. I'm hopeful. It's all I've got.

cultures...

*TROPICAL*....( a la Sponge Bob )

Bleeding eyes and the relief of finished work.

World issues (ie: Isreal) and Cultures, and my weight and fitness... and then there's Nic...

Blind men and an elephant....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant

To increase my income...

• Start my own business?

• A service I can offer? (lawn mowing to computer consulting)

• Charge a reasonable price, provide impeccable service, and ask clients for referrals.

See if I can find a job related to my chosen career.... even entry level...

ie. David Filo and Jerry Yang started making lists of their favorite Web sites while they were graduate students. The went on to create Yahoo!.

Do my best at every job.

Direction...

1. Confusion about what direction I should go in terms of career or job.

2. I would like my decision and path to look like this last picture.

Lightbulb Moment....

"The only real security that a person can have in this world is the reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. Without these qualities, money is practically useless." ~ Henry Ford

Morning Thoughts:

1. Thoughts last night are topics.

2. Things are never as drastic/dramatic/fatalistic in the morning....

Starting right here, right now....

So much on my mind.
So much I'm trying to sort out.

Graphics.
Fashion.
God.
Classy.
Crazy.
Ambitious.
French Professor.
My Brazillian.
Mr. Brunei.
My little man.
My body.
Finances.
Hawaii.
People.
My life.

ugh.